Skint in Sorbas

Dear Carmen,
My partner controls all the purse-strings and I have to ask if I even want to buy necessary items like toilet roll. We have been married for five years and at times I feel like he’s more of a parent than a partner, so much so that it’s become natural. If it wasn’t for one of my friends commenting on his behavior, I probably wouldn’t have even thought about it. She thought it was weird I asked for three ply toilet paper, and she gave me a lecture on how stupid it is. I tried explaining to her that if I had control of the bankcard, I would literally spend it all in one afternoon. She kept telling me he was evil and I needed to punish him. That he was afraid of powerful women and I should be more feministic. What do I do?

Skint in Sorbas

Dear Skint,

It sounds like over time you have gradually relinquished that part of your freedom to gain another part of freedom: piece of mind. I cannot stress how important it is to maintain your independence. However, it’s understandable how it happens since this is easily done over time.

You are very aware of your own spending habits. Maybe, if you didn’t already, you should talk about having a budget. It would be yours and yours alone to blow it all on cotton candy or to save it for a nice evening out together. Your friend, although she probably means well, doesn’t relate to your situation. You clearly say you can’t handle money. You and your husband have found a way to deal with it together. If he is the one making sure the rent and electrics are paid for and you can still do your groceries it sounds like he’s having that under control. Don’t
be afraid to speak out for yourself, both to your husband as to your girlfriend. It is your life, only you decide what is right for you and what is not.

If things are too difficult and you need help in any way don’t forget you can always seek professional guidance.


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