The Secrets to Keeping a Healthy Relationship – With Anyone
Quite often the way in which we navigate conflict or difference of opinion depicts how emotionally stable our relationships are. This is not just regarding our significant others but to do with the way in which we deal with each person we come across. Whether it be conflict with a boss, disagreement with a friend or difference of opinion with a family member. How we think and talk about these relationships says a lot more about us than it does the situation in hand.
Many people that maintain healthy relationships make it look effortless and a wise person, I guess, would say that it is. Well they would know that once you have reached a good place within yourself that maintaining a positive and healthy outlook on a situation becomes more effortless. With less engagement with the ego and more practice in stepping back and observing the thoughts and feelings the ability to resist unnecessary conflict gets easier and becomes more natural in practice. To arrive at this state makes it a much less strenuous ordeal and becomes something we view as happening around us and not happening to us.
Knowing your boundaries is key; you may have heard before that you can be a good person and still harness the power of the word NO. In fact, that’s healthy in itself, we must value ourselves enough to know when we cannot do something. Yes, there’s a running theme here, have you guessed it yet? It’s all about being good with number one. Numero Uno. As cliché as it may sound, looking after yourself is priority, if you cannot do this you surely aren’t ready to undertake anyone else’s emotional baggage.
Pick your battles, you might want to hold off till something really important to say your piece
So, knowing yourself is one thing, really knowing yourself involves a deep level of self-reflection from a non-judgement perspective. It involves observing how you are which takes a great deal of personal work if you aren’t used to it. This has been explained in a simple term before which actually makes a lot of sense: When you view things happening around you, view them as if they’re the passing traffic, sit back and observe. Sometimes it’s chaos but you are just the observer of the chaos, the chaos is not you. When you know you that’s the best grounding for good communication. Expressing these feelings to a partner then becomes easier because you know how you’re feeling even if you don’t know why and that simple stopping, sitting back and observing allows you a grace period, a stop gap before reaction, or getting angry, acting unjustly or acting out of anger. Anger is suppressed emotion after all, if you can cut out the suppression by becoming the ultimate observer of your thoughts this will put you in good ground towards a much healthier partner bond, connection or relationship.
We are all human and anger is a natural and necessary at times emotion It wouldn’t be good to suppress it but better analysis of self and communication of your feelings will help eradicate unexpected outbursts.
Old Chinese Proverb: Nobody is worth your tears and the one who is will not let you cry
It’s also easy to get sucked into mindless gossip at times, we can all be guilty of indulging in speaking of others not in the best terms for a little temporary satisfaction. It needn’t be said that this idle activity doesn’t pose any positive long-term benefits. It’s like that classic thing when we hear someone’s best friend speaking badly of them, we wonder to ourselves what must that person say about me if they talk this way about their best friend? Again, sometimes we all need advice and somethings are beneficial shared if for the purpose of helping another but we must intervene if we catch ourselves getting carried away with idle gossip. It’s not productive nor does it show us to be a trustworthy person. It pays to challenge yourself to instead say something genuinely positive about the person. At the time the person may goad you to join in with their gossip but deep down they will likely appreciate you more for resisting.
Photo by Roberto Nickson